Aries

March 21-April 19

An objective viewpoint is becoming increasingly difficult to visualize this month. Along with the coming winter this increase in cloudiness should tell you it’s time to replace the windshield wipers. Stock up on windshield washer fluid while you’re at it. Your inner self is telling you it’s safe to be me.

Taurus

April 20-May 20

When you think of problems from the past, it’s like that lower control arm bushing rattling away every time you drive. No it won’t fix itself, and no you won’t stop hearing it rattle no matter how hard you try. Face problems head on this month and rebuild the front end. A short handled four-pound sledge and pickle fork will help you find your way.

Gemini

May 21-June 20

Take control of your money now before you’re up to your eyeballs in warped Thermoquads and bent alternator pulleys. Put eBay on the block list at least until the next credit card bill comes. Visit the boneyard with only one 20-dollar bill in your pocket. Bring your camera, because no one will believe you.

Cancer

June 21-July 22

Never forget the lessons of the past, especially when it comes to fasteners and torque values. Be careful what you say around those who easily take offense, especially at the local supermarket. Stay away from no interest no payment deals on giant televisions no matter how good they look. Do not to lend tools even to friends, and especially not to Capricorn.

Leo

July 23-August 22

Financial miracles can happen. Persevere, have a plan, and get rid of at least one of those rusted old Mopars before the hornets build a superhive in it over the winter. Having to spend what little savings you have on pest control is not a good plan. Don’t trust Libras with financial matters until next year.

Virgo

August 23-September 22

No one has to tell you where the opportunities are this month. The trick is choosing those with long-term appeal. Don’t be fooled by hucksters and get rich quick schemes. Turn off the TV at least one night per week and go for a walk. Capricorn will finally apologize for ruining your grinder. 

Libra

September 23-October 22

Your rorty road antics on the may make pals laugh, but it won’t amuse the Highway Patrol. Slow down this month to avoid rising insurance premiums in the future. Hope that the best event will be a sudden change in plans. Change your oil right after a spirited drive. Be wary not to burn yourself.

Scorpio

October 23-November 21

Disorientation and confusion earlier in the month will give way to clarity as the days move on. Your share of the pie will be fair, but leaving a piece behind will prevent a trip to Wal-Mart to buy bigger pants. A friend in trouble may ask you for advice this weekend. Listen carefully before you reply. Rejet your carburetor.

Sagittarius

November 22-December 21

You enjoy applause, and you’ll hear a lot of it while you finish off what’s left of the tread on those rear tires for your pals out in front of the garage this month. Keep an eye out for cops and areas of sudden traction to avoid applause turning to embarrassment and body shop bills. Your lucky numbers this month are 3, 9, and 2.

Capricorn

December 22-January 19

While attracted to the luminosity of others beware not to travel too close to the light. Adjust your headlights to prevent mishaps or undue attraction of others in your same situation. Park on a level surface, and take that junk out of the trunk before you go making bad into worse. Always replace headlights in pairs.

Aquarius

January 20-Feburary 18

A surprise gift from a loved one may bring you great joy in the latter part of the month. A small measure of anticipation is healthy, but don’t let expectations grow beyond reality. In the meantime give the dog a bath. Take a bag of stuff in the closet to a local charity. Research an EFI upgrade with Scorpio.

Pisces

February 19-March 20

Mounting and unseen problems long paid little heed will manifest themselves in very clear ways this month. That floor mounted hi beam lo beam switch is about to cause a short at the worst possible time. It’s always the ten-dollar part that causes the thousand dollar problem. Pay now to avoid trouble later.