The air cleaner was totally plugged. I couldn't believe the big RB could breathe, even through the perfect condition dual snorkel air cleaner assembly that I didn't sell on eBay. I replaced it with the taller Imperial spec filter. "How old are you?" joked my friends at the auto parts store as I started off my tune up with the oldest trick in the book. Next up were the spark plugs and wires. The plugs were a range too cold and looked like core samples from an oil well. The only reason the car ran at all was the high quality electronic ignition that a previous owner had installed. Was this easier than changing the plugs? I can almost understand because they really are a horrendous bitch to get to on a big block C-body with the "log" manifolds, especially #7. The wires were also ancient and repaired with electrical tape.
Now it idled smoothly and drove like a dream except that the driver's side motor mount was bad. Once we had that fixed we went down the road for testing. It had a little bit of a bog. The old Carter AVS seemed to be working fine so my partner, Dr. Big Block, suspected that the timing chain must be a worn out original. As usual, he was correct. He replaced it with a brand new true double roller that we had leftover from a previous project. Dr. Big Block rocks! While we had the radiator out, we replaced it with a bigger one from an A/C car in the yard.
Now the car ran really hard but it was still ugly. The festering wood grain wasn't getting any prettier, the "Light Amber Sherwood" green paint was less than awe inspiring and the 15-year-old 235/75 Dorkmaster whitewall tires were not growing on me, no matter how much tread they had on them. It was time for some "pimp my own damn ride" action. Even
though I had many other things to do, I set about masking off the offensive wood grain areas before spraying them down with multiple cans of black and brown followed by metallic bronze. I topped it off with a fat coat of satin clear. It looks great, if I do say so myself; it's like a new car.
Next, I turned my attention to the rolling stock. I was tempted, oh so tempted, to bust out the plastic and order up a thousand bucks worth of American Racing Torque Thrust "D" wheels, but then I got a grip on myself. I'm a grown up. Damn. Instead, we rummaged through our collection and came up with a set of El Cheapo 205/75 black walls for the front from a '69 New Yorker and a set of massive 275/60 steamrollers out back from Dr. Big Block's sleeping Challenger. Then I cleaned and reinstalled the cool enough Chrysler hub caps. I'd still love to have a set of mags but this is a huge improvement.
I was still underwhelmed by the Light Amber Sherwood green. Not only is it a lame color, it was poorly applied. The clear coat was starting to flake off the hood so I tried polishing it, but that just made it worse. In a moment of inspiration, I covered up the trouble areas with two 14-inch wide black stripes, like a '69 Road Runner. I got rid of the hub caps and put a fresh coat of satin black on the wheels. It looks very cool.
I haven't taken it to the strip yet, but I'd say that it's probably a high fifteen- or low sixteen-second car. We'll find out soon. I have no doubt that at some point down the road we'll be hopping it up even more. It's what we do! We've got plenty more.
Behold the glory of festering simulated wood grain wagons at Wagons of Steel.
Along with flogging all manner of Mopars down the 1320 and on the roads of his top secret island hideaway, Chris Barnes is also the originator of Wagons of Steel Magazine. Check it out at: www.wagonsofsteel.com
